Lately

How have you been lately?  Been outside pretty often since the spring bug hit us with 65-degree weather.  I'm not too hot on spring/summer-like weather, as I am constantly searching for rain, but I love growth, and boy did plants grow this past week.  From shriveled leaves and spindly offshoots shot forth curvaceous, thick foliage: the sun-seeking nooks and crannies especially made for quite a show.  Colors quickly brightened and expanded, reaching for a greater height and depth...

And look, my Thumbelina Leigh Lavender is beginning to bud!

* * *

Sometimes I amaze myself at how frequently I derive pleasure from the natural world, including its stilling wordlessness.  As of late, mere thoughts have collected significance, leaving in its wake a profound impact that had spilled into days and weeks; and now months.  It is this sense of wide-eyed, thought-heavy wonder that I leave you until my next post...

Structure

I have always been an early holiday shopper.  Perhaps it is my slightly OCD nature, my overwhelming need for structure in the place of perceived chaos.  It is not that I don't get a nostalgic kick out of Christmas lights strung on stately trees or the tinsel-y holiday decorations in shop windows--it's just that I can do without the mass marketing campaign, the horde of (sometimes inconsiderate) shoppers...and the holiday songs. 

To avoid the holiday chaos, I purchase and create throughout the year, with ideas generated from early on in 2012.  The funny thing is that it is inconceivable to me how most people (I am making an assumption here; please correct me if I am wrong) holiday shop during the actual holidays.  What if you see a gift that would be perfect for someone in let's say, April?  Do you hold off, or do you purchase and hold onto the gift for x-amount of months?  Perhaps people lose the gifts in the process, for it is a handful or more months from then to Christmas, you know?  I know.  Or shall I say, I am trying to know. 

* **

In truth, I take great pleasure in finding the "right" gift; this sentiment also extends to creating handmade gifts.  Not crafty in the traditional sense, I--for the most part--use materials that I already have laying around, both to conserve resources and to make some unique things.  Book pages, as you could probably tell from my shop, are my upcycled/recycled materials of choice. 

This year-round creating and perusing is, I like to think, hope to think, a trait of a meticulously creative mind. 

And nothing is wrong with that: perceived chaos, structure, and all.

Rachael Yamagata : Turtle

Photo from Rachael Yamagata's website.

As you know, Rachael Yamagata is my #1 musician/singer-songwriter.  Her last album, Chesapeake, is as brilliant, musically and lyrically, as it is tongue-in-cheek humorous, an exploration of emotional depth, and a homage to singer-songwriters past.  The words below, copied and pasted directly from RY's blog post, describes her current creative process--and I am loving it in its relate-able entirety.

Turtle

By: Rachael Yamagata

Posted on Monday, August 6, 2012

"Blog Time!  Refresh button in my head on all subjects to put into print.  Blank stare back from brain.  How does one keep it all sorted in there?  Quiet mornings on a front porch are little centering treats between life driving from show to show and set list scribbles, napkin lyrics, spreadsheets (boring) and past life searches on the internet.  (Fyi – there are quizzes, but not sure of the accuracy).  It did say I’m supposed to spread a feeling of ‘brotherhood’ in this life and well heck, that feels okay.

I’m in danger of drowning in lists.  In fact, I recently took all the lists I save and whittled them down to three lists.  ListMaker.  That so won’t do for a new album title.   I thank the universe for having music exist to at least give my brain a partner in emotion and instinctual expression – some relief.  The ListMaker has taken over this summer, but only to serve as a coach to shape me back to song.

I find myself wanting to write, but not yet ready.  One has to write everyday.  One has to play and refine and redesign and edit.  Where are the little butterfly phrases to be grabbed out of the air? We come and go and wave to each other from our respective porches – what is inside, what is inside, what is inside?  So I’m in my stage of listening… and watching… and making lists.

And that’s ok.  Tour is right around the corner.  And the songs are there to arrange for an audience now.  So I will delve into my recent past and bring it to the present.  Get these songs out to have a little life of their own and travel around with them for a while.  They come to life when we bring them to you.  And that brings the new words back again…"

Empty Chair Space

Hello, readers.  I've been teeming with inspiration lately, going slightly manic with all these new jewelry designs swarming around in my head--but don't worry, it's not in the crazy woman sort of way.  It's more like a I-can't-get-all-these-ideas-out-right-now/there-aren't-not-enough-hours-in-a-day type of mentality.  That is why my post image is a slightly haunting, yet serene, image of an old chair (with a fall-themed pattern, I might add) cocooned by light, a bare wall/windowsill, etc.


It just calms me down, soothes the wandering mind just a bit...

How have you been?

As for me, besides going a bit nutso, I am fine.  My desk has readily been taken over by a swarm of necklace chains, potential stone designs, and jewelry tools (many autumn/winter designs), so I have been creating a temporary desk space from a stack of pillows; and then, when that isn't adequate enough, I roam from room-to-room in search of a more ergonomic workspace.

Perhaps I should lay off the chai some--maybe then I will anchor down and complete the items my to-do list.  But I can't blame the chai for this one...

There is currently so much going on, with self-imposed deadlines and among other things, national matters of supreme importance.  There is just so much sad finger pointing in this world, where nobody wants to take the blame, and everyone wants to reap the benefits--on either side.  This is as political as I will go on this blog, for although I am not the most political, I find it important to be versed on topics that affect us all.

On that note, last night I caught a snippet of Tavis Smiley's conversation with political theorist Benjamin Barber, the president/founder of the Interdependence Movement.  According to Wikipedia:

"In an interdependent relationship, participants may be emotionally, economically, ecologically and/or morally reliant on and responsible to each other [my emphasis]."  

Barber's work highly resonates with me on a visceral level due to its let's-work-together-and-stop-this-butting-of-heads mentality, and I could not help but reflect on our eternally-feuding, national political parties and their lack of interdependence--their active choice to not work together on issues that again, affect us all.  I'm not saying that an interdependent relationship will solve all of our social, moral, and economic ills (and I know that interdependence is far easier said than done) but goodness, if we only looked past political affiliation and truly listened to one another on a personal, local, and national levels, I genuinely feel that much can be accomplished.  If we work together, a step forward will be taken (and nope, I am not quoting rhetoric here).  On a larger scale, with the Internet, et. al., nations are truly porous, and we are socially and economically (and morally) connected.

I am not an eternal optimist, just a realist.  Here is the link to Smiley's interview with Barber. 

Untitled

I apologize if you weren't expecting a large photo, which I took last week, of a flowering plant to comprise the bulk of this entry.  I like the subtle optimistic glow that radiates from this image, the delicacy that permeates, and thought it proper to give the photo an entry of its own.  Enjoy! 

From Seed

 
There is something primordially satisfying about growing plants from seed.  Their fragile beginnings as tiny sprouts, then seedlings, so endlessly imperfect and variant in size and shape, tug a bit at one's heartstrings.  It is in their tiny-ness that my looming largeness is reflected back to me: my less-than-gentle watering techniques, the accidental over watering, and the strength of my fingertips upon touching (and then bending) a newly-formed leaf are not lost on me.  This microcosm of plant and human life, the relationship between cultivator and cultivatee, is frenzied, blurred--sometimes I feel like I am the one being taught, cultivated into a gentler, more patient soul. 

Growing plants from seed takes time, and time is something that, as a whole, our modern world highly values, but also fears.  This is aptly shown in the collective yearning for more time in a day, a year, etc., and conversely, in the collective fear of aging.  Watch a butterfly flit back and forth from flower to flower, yard to yard.  Step outdoors and inhale deeply; watch the ever-growing plants on your windowsill.  Time momentarily, bravely, stands still. 

This Week

I hope that you've had a good week.  As for me, I've continued my creative, exploratory trek, sans-computer (for the most part).  I've not ignored the computer all together, which in my opinion, strikes a good balance between technology and humanism.  Technology as a means to an end; a tool.

Here are some other tools that were unusually helpful this week:

Book--Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse.
I'm only 29-pages in, but the complex, semi-detached writing style has drawn me in--I frequently catch myself referring back to the novel's unique tone as a source of inspiration.

Box cutter, vintage book pages--to make wall decorations with (see below). 

        Piece on the far left is listed for sale in my Etsy shop.

Camera--documentation, documentation, documentation.

Tools are truly more than a means to an end, since they can foster the creative process--as well as help one get through that very process.  It's interesting to observe how humans assign meaning to inanimate objects, look duly towards them for some sign of relief...or peace.  It is in this symbolism that tools transcend their merely objective usage and become decorative, sometimes revered objects.  Truthfully, I couldn't imagine it any other way because our continuous search for meaning makes life ever the more grand: a wind-worn pebble becomes a good luck charm; one's favorite pen, a reminder of a sentiment's origin.  On that note, happy weekending.

Quiet Days Ahead

Hello, July.  June went by with a blink of an eye.  It's too bad because I was really enjoying the early summer (or was it late spring) gardening, in addition to the magical mood that June evokes (think summer hats, road trips, and ripening fruits).  Perhaps I am undoubtedly yearning for times gone by, a nostalgia worn on the sleeves of slower-paced days, where entire daylight hours were spent tending the garden, where technology did not guide the stilted, predictable movement of our days.  I look for continuity and organic movement, not staccato-like flitting back and forth from here to there.

Lately, I've been spending less time on the computer, which I have found allows me to just be.  It is in this quietness that I've been able to process my thoughts, and alleviate some of the dreaded anxiety--for I thrive in silence, in the composure of thoughts (solitary, not quite monastic).  Truly, this clear-headed mind state has fostered more creativity and thoughtfulness than I have ever imagined.  So needless to say, I am seeing where it leads me (hopefully to complete some long-term goals that I've set for this year).  Thanks for sticking with me: I am much obliged.

Huge Etsy shop sale tomorrow, 7/4!

The Spring Time Blahs

Hello.  I've been feeling a little blah lately, doubting my writing capabilities in addition to wondering if the general economy will better itself anytime soon.  I have noticed that some people have found intensely fulfilling and/or well-paying jobs, while others are too emotionally downtrodden to muster up the courage to apply.  Personally, I know someone, a college graduate, who applied to 20+ job openings over the past few years, and had only a handful of companies reply back.

Flagrant frustration, I tell you--borderline insanity, which is why I believe that there must always be an intricate balance between the outside world and one's own inner sanctuary from the proverbial storm.  I find solace in a moralistic novel; some Rachael Yamagata, a stroll in the yard.

This spring, I have found myself gravitating towards the backyard garden to renew the spirit.  Instead of hunkering down near the computer to edit, I walk outside (probably a bad idea, but sometimes one needs a break!).  I steady myself by the manzanitas, one of which is growing a tiny apple; by the Thumbelina Leigh Lavender I breathe in deeply the aromatic calm of scent.  Instead of wracking my brain for the correct word or analysis, calmness overtakes me when I am in the thick of nature.  Overwhelmed, I am not.  And for that, I am grateful.

One Year Later: Japan Earthquake and Tsunami

Initially, I was not sure if I should blog about this topic, but I have decided to in order to maintain an awareness of the lingering effects of the Japan earthquake and tsunami that occurred nearly a year ago today.  On March 11, 2011, the "Great East Japan Earthquake," a magnitude 9 earthquake that lasted six minutes, rocked the eastern coast of Japan.  Why and how does this matter today...and for the future?

My first ever Etsy shop sale was to a woman who lived on the eastern coast of Japan.  Shortly after the disaster, I found myself wondering about whether or not she, a complete stranger, was affected by the earthquake and/or tsunami.  They were some heavy thoughts, I tell you.

With the first anniversary closing in, there has recently been a few news stories on the Japan earthquake and tsunami of 2011.  Either last week or the week before, the local news reported that Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant in Japan, which was directly in the earthquake and subsequent tsunami's path, will need continuous, around-the-clock maintenance for the next 30-40 years to avoid a complete nuclear disaster.  Also, within the last few months there have been a few online articles about how the pets of Fukushima, who were left behind in the designated nuclear disaster site due to their high levels of radiation exposure, have had to face the frigid, cold winter of 2011-2012 without adequate food and shelter.  And there was a short news segment on how the debris from the 2011 disaster in Japan will finally float towards the western US coast sometime in the next year.

In short, the disaster that occurred a year ago will continue to have a lasting effects on our lives, even if the news stories are not highly publicized.  Even as our memories of the event fade into the recesses of our minds, our busy lives. 

***

This is not an impassioned plea for sales, but I have three more items in the HELP JAPAN section of my Etsy shop for sale.  100% of the proceeds from the remaining two pendants and 50% of the proceeds from the remaining collage will be donated to GlobalGiving's Japan Earthquake and Tsunami Relief Fund upon purchase.  To help these items sell, I have lowered their prices, considerably.

To date, I have donated $51.00, and will donate $10.00 for each of the three remaining items after purchase ($30.00 in total).  Yes, I do realize that the listings' descriptions do not state that $10.00 will be donated per item: the pendants are under $10.00 in price, and for the collage, it says that only $8.00 is to be donated.  I will go into my pocketbook to donate the few remaining dollars because it's the least that I can do.

Donating is more than for publicity's sake because to truly live is to remember that we are all connected in this world, no matter how many degrees of separation there may be from the event--or how indirectly we are affected by it.  Every action has its consequences, and donating is my act of connection.

Shelter

Thank you to all of you who have left such kind, thoughtful comments on my last blog post about silence, personal epiphanies, and all things that are the zest of my existence (but are designated boring by society at-large).  It is very refreshing to know that I am not alone in my introverted, solitary ways.  It is solitude that I seek in order to steady myself in this quick-paced world, to find some inner peace within the noise, and to both accept and persevere.

So yes, I admittedly seek shelter in solitude.

In addition to the roof over our heads, sometimes we need other types of shelter to survive, especially for sanity's sake.  To me, shelter can be found in a great many shapes and sizes: even in the abstract form, since shelter is an all-encompassing term for what makes us comfortable.  Shelter can be found in paperback, a beloved album, the ocean, your significant other's arms, a well-worn sweater, the ruins of a church, etc.  The form does not matter as much as how you feel while in its presence: the calmness and acceptance that things will be okay allows for comfort as a current state of mind, rather than as an evasive, fleeting emotion.  It is the feeling of an easy happiness, which oftentimes plays a mean-spirited hide-and-seek with the grown...and cynical.

Yes, cynical I can be.  But today, I am comfortable just being me.

Below are some of my solitude-seeking inspirations; metaphorical shelters from life's storms:

Green and white baker's twine, porcelain bowl

Paintbrushes, Jane Eyre, vintage salt shaker, decoupage glue

Vintage milk glass ramekins (custard cups)

An Epiphany of Sorts

I have come to realize that many activities that I find to be calming to the soul are considered boring by most.  By this, I mean the introverted, internal sorts of pleasure-seeking: reading, writing, attempting to grasp (i.e.: usually not understanding) seemingly-immaculate ideas and theories in texts, sitting outdoors, taking photographs, decorating EmeraldCut boxes--and the list goes on and on.  Truthfully, these are parts of my daily routine, which I dearly imbue with intrinsic value, and therefore document in this blog.  No wonder why I have a nearly non-existent readership, huh?  

Without much convincing, I remind myself that I am staying wholeheartedly true to myself, which is in my opinion, the ultimate goal of a full, lived life.  And that is reason enough for me to go on with my Existentialist ways: for the "less exciting" events in life are sometimes the most rewarding ones in the long run.

So...no tales of white water rafting, snowboarding, scathing details on what I wore/did/ate today, or hiking in the dark, etc., will ever be posted on this blog.  I'd rather be outdoors (or in) sipping a hot coffee or tea from a gargantuan-sized ceramic mug, staring at the ancient trees, and listening to the wind glide in an invisible, times-of-old dance with the sunlight softly filtering through foliage and cloud.  The rocks, the greenery, the feel of sunlight upon the face: this, to me, is a rich, full life.

Susie Suh | Winter

I couldn't wait for the seasons to change from autumn to winter because I (have for so long) wanted to post the lyrics to this song by Susie Suh, which is from her new album, The Bakman Tapes.  The song is earthy magical--even grounding and whimsical--in mood.  But I couldn't find a live performance of this song on YouTube.  Otherwise, there may have been a video accompaniment to the lyrical content in this post.

Disclaimer: I've typed out the lyrics myself while listening to the song, so all lyrical errors are of my own doing.

Winter by Susie Suh 

Oh, winter

We are falling...

We are hiding...

We are hibernating.

In the depths of the wake

And the depths of the dark

In the depths of the wake

In the depths of our dreams

And so it seems that winter

Comforts me.

With the calm inside the eye of the storm

As we sit by the fire and watch the embers burn.

Ooh, can you feel the warmth inside our cave

As we drink our wine and forget about our days?

Winter on my knees...

Winter begging please...

Winter, I will say,

Snow again today?

So that we can hibernate.

Oh, winter

While the bears sleep...

And the owls hoot...

And the wolves cry.

And the dogs bark out

And the birds sing loud

I will say,
What a glorious day

For us to hideaway.

It’s the silence inside the colors of the room

As we sit by the fire and watch the embers burn.

Ooh, can you feel the peace inside our cave

As we drink our chamomile and reminisce about those days.

Winter on my...knees...

Winter begging please...

Winter I will say,

Snow again today?

So that we can hibernate.

Oh, winter comforts me.

Winter on my knees...

Winter, begging please...

Winter I will say,

Snow again today?

So that we can hibernate.

Catching Up and All That Jazz

It's been a whirlwind week, and I am finally catching up with reading my daily blog list today...after helping out with Thanksgiving cooking and clean-up (I'm by no means the cook), a two-meal turkey fest, and oversleeping.  The news on the television jolted me awake--and I sat and stared in wide-eyed terror at the television screen--flabbergasted by events playing out on the news, particularly the rude behavior of some Black Friday shoppers.  Why would someone pepper spray others for a darned, inconsequential toy?  The irony of being thankful on Thanksgiving, and then being so downright mean to strangers the day afterward does not escape me.  What has happened to kindness and overall respect for oneself and others?

Yes, I do believe that the holidays bring out the subliminal mean streak of our society--the perpetual stress of merely thinking about spending time with family, the self-endowed entitlement of some, and the shopping crowds.  Everyone searching for the "perfect" gift for the "perfect" people in their lives.  I don't know if the current economy exacerbates this mean streak, but it sure seems to consistently rear its ugly head around this time of year, every year.  I can almost pinpoint the collective bad behavior to an exact date.

We need to chill out, mellow out...remember that consumerism shouldn't drive our reactions.

I suggest that instead of spending away at every seemingly-good deal--hoping that one of the gifts will "fit" a person on your gift list--we should entertain what the holidays truly means; not its point of departure or arrival, but its whole meaning.

For me, the true meaning of the holidays include: 
Reminding yourself who matters in your life and why (and in turn, remembering to be nice);
Shopping handmade and/or creating gifts;
And taking the time to reconnect with loved ones (this is not the same as the last-minute scheduling of spending time with others, or expecting someone to be free when you are because--let's face it--sometimes I don't feel like going out last minute).
This is, of course, not an exhaustive list of holiday contemplation, but it works for me.

I will be supporting handmade this holiday season, as well.  I will save the big-bargain shopping for others who can deal with the exuberant crowds, the Christmas music, and the mass marketing campaigns.

Wild Horses | Susie Suh

Susie Suh's cover of the Rolling Stones' "Wild Horses" is understated and thoughtful.  The autumn/winter ambiance of the video is charming--as well as the fact that she is on a Parisian street corner singing.  A soothing song to listen to while sipping some strong coffee...or alternately, a mild cup of hot tea.

Inspiration: November

Changes

Hot cider, hot cocoa, and hot tea:

Warmth on the inside, radiating out,

Making up for the absence of the sun.

Scarves, boots, and pea coats:

Autumn attire serves a deeper purpose beyond fashion
To temper the autumnal chill.

Cozy quilts and blankets, a good read, and a fireplace:

Gently easing into slumber.
My body aches for warmer days,

As I attempt to substitute the sun's absence with physical entities.

                           ***

My mind revels in Mother Nature's glorious wrath:
The beauty expressed in the vibrant hues
Of the leaves crunching beneath my feet;
The crisp chill in the air.

Beyond duality and description;
Infinitely boundless--
This inspiring feat.

Turning a New Leaf

Intellect:
I think that I'm finally ready to retreat from the stillness and engage.  I began reading an interesting psychology/astrology-esque book, Relating: An Astrological Guide to Living with Others on a Small Planet, by Liz Greene.  So far, the text is quite interesting and insightful, blending astrology and psychology into an exploration of how we treat and understand others.  However, there are some psychological jargon and concepts that I had to reread a few times in order to grasp (oh, the woes of intellectual intangibility), but 16 pages in, I am enjoying it.  It makes sense.  It's a brand new world for me: psychology plus astrology--the latter of which I have always been interested in, but also skeptical of.  FYI: I'm a Scorpio.  Can you tell?

About half of what is said about people born under the astrological sign Scorpio is what I would describe myself as (Greene says that one person can be described in numerous ways, by different people, which is colored by one's ego and projections).  According to Wikipedia, Scorpio is an introverted sign.  Check.  Astrology Online says Scorpios dislike "shallow relationships, flattery and flattering" etc., and "In their everyday behavior they give the appearance of being withdrawn from the center of activity, yet those who know them will recognize the watchfulness that is part of their character."  Check.  Zodiac Signs Astrology says, "Scorpios are very deep, intense people, there is always more then meets the eye." Um, yeah.  But as I've said, I'm a skeptic--one who has mellowed out since marriage, or so I think (you'd have to ask my husband about that one).  However, I do believe that we are born with certain innate characteristics that we are unable to change, even if we tried fervently to do so.  Nature and nurture.  With an emphasis on nurture.   


Shop:
Turning gears, this week I've been contemplating and brainstorming new ideas for my Etsy shop.  I've been trying to figure out how to sell my shop and its inventory in a more effective way besides (expensive) ads.  That, blended with a multitude of new ideas flooding my brain--and too much inventory.  Ideas are sprouting out that just need a good watering and TLC, some refinement.  Also, materials are taking over desk space--leaving me about 2 feet to rest my arms, books, computer on--which further jumbles my thoughts.

So that leaves me to wonder: Do all creative minds work like this, or is this a sign of manageable madness and disorganization?

Today, I further reduced the price of my SALE section items.  Sale items are an additional 50 cents to 2 dollars less than they were yesterday--these prices are staying, indefinitely.


Shop Anniversary:
 Next month marks my first-year anniversary as an Etsy seller and buyer.  I'm not very good at celebrating, I must admit.  I did, though, finally decide on having a very generous coupon code for the month of November.  Stay tuned--my blog readers will get a sneak peek of the sale in a very near future blog post, plus some free goodies to go with their purchase(s)!



A few late afternoons ago, the sky looked like it was punctuated by razor marks, and shone through the billowing clouds in straight, bright blue streaks:

Lessons

I am supposed to be working on editing, but editing takes up so much brain power and time.  Okay, the truth is that I am procrastinating...going on 4.5 years now, and would rather be putting my time and energy into this post at this very moment.  My writing began 4.5 years ago as a disjointed exercise in intellectual Olympics (or rather, I was mimicking intellectual thought), and omitted any inkling of personal connection or overt emotion.  My words were simply metaphors and analogies, with no grounding in reality.  Stream-of-consciousness writing is acceptable for poetry and works of fiction, but not for a graduate-level thesis.  I was covertly hiding behind my writing, scared of what the process would bring out in me.  Specifically, I was fearful of vulnerability, the painful process of connecting to my writing within the academic realm.  Now I know this, nearly half a decade later. 

This lesson was not fully realized until this past week, during a conversation with my husband.  I learned that it has taken me 4.5 years to personally identify with my writing, which began during a time of personal, intellectual, and emotional upheaval: a time saturated by a paradigm shift; a transitional phase.  During those years, I have questioned my ability to write and think critically.  That lingering, self-imposed incompetency had taken a toll on my self-esteem and productivity--"foggy-mindedness" and "like pulling teeth" are phrases that most closely describe how writing felt like during that intellectually uncreative time period, which I earnestly hope is nearing its end.  Writing from the heart and feeling the weight of my words, rather than writing from the head, is what I need to do in order to relieve the mental fogginess and finish my written work.

Perhaps the most important lesson learned is that I now accept that life happens; life cannot be ignored or set aside in the name of obtaining a higher degree.  I've followed my gut instincts all the while, especially in the last 12 months or so--and do not regret any aspect of it, although to the outside world I may appear to be slacking off.  Following my instincts led me to, among other things, opening my Etsy shop, starting this blog, and meeting some wonderfully supportive people along the way.  This past year has been an amazing, albeit unstructured, journey.

P.S. Happy 8 months to my love and I; a short time period when considering the 4 years and counting.

Quiet | Susie Suh

I've been doing a lot of contemplating lately, nothing new, but there's a depth to this one that reminds me that I'm getting a wee bit older.   This thought process that I'm going through has been eased along by Susie Suh's EP, "The Bakman Tapes, Pt.2."  The EP contains a mere three songs, but oh, how those songs are like hot tea to my soul cannot be expressed in concrete words.  It's an emotion, like a calm wave passing by...minutes of not having to think at all.  I'm all for thinking, I encourage it--for it is important for us all to be critical thinkers and question the status quo, but sometimes the mere act of thinking can be so mentally and physically exhausting.  Especially for those (like me) who think all the time...about everything: no matter how important, trivial, and in-between the two poles.  This is a humbling, transitional moment.   

So quiet I will be for a little while, for this is the time to gather my thoughts and just be.

9/11/11

I was not the only one with a moral dilemma whether or not to post about the 10th anniversary of 9/11.  GoHeyJudy sums it up best: "I struggled for days over whether or not to post these links.  Especially this one.   It's gut wrenching.  I thought it may be too intrusive or perhaps exploitative."  I feared the exploitative, too. GoHeyJudy has a very unique and interesting perspective on politics (most of it much different from my own); her writing is embued with so much heart.  Not to mention, she has a killer writing style.  It's eye-opening to look at other political perspectives, for we do not live in a proverbial bubble--free speech is of paramount importance to me.

Cultural amnesia, a culture of forgetting...I do not believe that this happens in the long run.  Whenever a catastrophe occurs, forgetting is the initial, adaptive mechanism to the pain and utter shock of an event.  We forget how horrifically we treat each other.  History gives us a lesson.  Take Hiroshima.  The internment of Japanese Americans during WWII in the United States.  Jews during WWII.  (Did you know that the all Japanese American (mainly second generation) 442nd RCT actually liberated Dachau?  The irony of the interned, who were held behind barbed wire and were only allowed out to fight for the country that interned them, liberating a concentration camp behind barbed wire--thanks to my husband for bringing my attention to this irony.  Helping the war cause was the only way out of the internment camps.)  The fear of anyone of Middle Eastern descent being a terrorist immediately after 9/11.

We are left with the physical and emotional aftermath of gut-renching fear and borderline hysteria.  Then we slowly pick up the pieces, and life goes on.  We oscillate between reliving the moment and then, trying to forget it.  Sometimes we forget, even for a little while, and things seem to get better.  Then anniversary reactions trigger our emotional, mental, and physical remembering of chaos and pain.  The visceral, immobilizing kind; the kind shrouded by the dark cloak of fear.  I don't believe that forgiving and forgetting go hand-in-hand.

Later generations, not affected by the events, instinctively know that something is off, something has happened--and they live with the silence and the pain.  They know no other way to live. 

***

My anxiety is heightened over each news blurb concerning our country on this anniversary.  I cannot help but click on every online news article that I see that deals in some way with the anniversary of 9/11.  I think that I am trying to find reassurance that everything is going to be okay.  That we can go on without fear.